Subway, Usually

i like standing on the subway, usually
but i can see yet more strangers
staring at me

and i know it is because
i am a bearded stocky man
with
pink glasses
rainbow suspenders
a fluffy pink teddy bear purse
painted nails

and usually nobody harasses me
but every now and then
i get called a faggot
or a tranny
on the street

or
sometimes
they take their hands
and grab me
and i have to think quickly
before it’s too late

and i know that
as a transgender gay man
i have great privilege
to visibly express my culture
but that doesn’t need
to be a privilege

i live in seattle
and i know that
i have
much less of a reason
to fear getting killed
than a whole lot
of other people but

how i long to
be myself
without being punished

how i wish for
the touch of another man’s hand
without fear

and yeah
i have been dressing the way i want
for a long time now
and i’ve held hands with men in the street
many times before

and i’m brave
but i shouldn’t need to be.

Mercury-Marvin Sunderland (he/him) is a poet and a psychedelic artist from Seattle. He’s currently majoring in English at the Evergreen State College and works for Headline Poetry & Press. He’s been published by University of Amsterdam’s Writer’s Block, UC Riverside’s Santa Ana River Review, UC Santa Barbara’s Spectrum Literary Journal, and The New School’s The Inquisitive Eater. In 2017 he represented Seattle at Brave New Voices, the national tournament for youth slam poetry. His lifelong dream is to become the most banned author in human history. His art and accomplishments are documented as @Romangodmercury on Instagram, Facebook, and Twitter.