time spent understanding

it takes a month and some change of not-waiting until the process makes its way around my
body                        I have not heard from you                  I look at the moon waxing and re-read
my emails                 the next time I see your face               your hair is a perfect blond(e)
filigree                        memory buckles         between us like a windowed passion              we are all
waiting we are all involved but the dead refuse to rise                        between us words strive
for sense      after checking they act like opportunities generated by a computer
who can judge the rightness          I look at the moon waning and interpret a change inside
not projected on my skin  I extrapolate blood flow and gristle once brick now brittled
with understanding                     this is not a bad thing              look back with a sample package
of regret     then many whiskey cocktails                      I still cannot tell you
I cannot even write the word into this poem              sometimes I content myself with pretty
combinations           the blooming cobalt of the nightsky pours            capacious folk songs
gather through clouds               and sometimes I listen            do you             I look at the moon
full and red with blood and desire and think what illness love (what illness I have made of it)

SK Grout grew up in Aotearoa/New Zealand, has lived in Germany and now splits her time as best she can between London and Auckland. She is the author of the micro chapbook “to be female is to be interrogated” (2018, the poetry annals). She holds a post-graduate degree in creative writing from City, University of London, is a Poetry Editor at honey and lime and a Feedback Editor for Tinderbox Poetry. Her work also appears in Crannóg, Landfall, trampset, Banshee Lit, Parentheses Journal, Barren Magazine and elsewhere. More information here: skgroutpoetry.wixsite.com/poetry