i’ve tried—kneeling at the altar
of blue china and roman busts,
dressing in peacock skirts, shroud
in ginkgo leaves. to act out
ramón casas’s a decadent girl.
to be apollonian. to cut excess,
quit drink, skim fat adverbs. also,
i stood in the dressing room’s
mirrored rows, counted myself
hundreds of times until i specked
with body positivity and the need
for buccal fat extraction…