[after i pry my body from his beautiful]

after    i    pry    my    body    from    his    beautiful
neighborhood.   after    he    apologizes    for    his
beautiful neighborhood.  after   he   finishes   the
bottle   of   wine   on   his   own.  after   he   shows
me    each    of    his    books    and    what    they’ve
meant  to  him.   after   photographs   fall  out  of
each  book  like  a  surprise  nail  into  my  palms.
after  the   photobooth   film   time-capsules  ten
years     of     him     and     his     wife    pawing    at
happiness.    after    her    sitting    on   the   couch
almost   embarrassed   of   him.   after  i’m  given
a   tour   of   their    daughter’s    artwork   turned
hallway   museum.    after   the   reasons   behind
his   curation.   after   some   hand-trace  turkeys
just   weren’t   good   enough.    after   i   worry   i
might  not   actually   survive   this   world  much
longer.    after    he    declares    himself   double-
aquarius   and    i    silently    beg    the   stars   for
forgiveness.      after      they      tell      completely
different    origin    stories.    after    they   bicker
over  how  the  dinner  is  done.  after  my  heart
loves  for   his   wife   in   the  most  disembodied
way.   how  each  of   his  words  sound  like   he’s
captured    a   creature    that   should   never   be
anyone’s.   how   my   mouth   fills   with  disgust
washed      down      with     refrigerator      water.
crushed   ice chewed  nervous.  after the  planet
tells   me  ‘no.’    after  his  travel  logs  show   all
the  truth-beauty   he   thought  the  planet  just
gave    to    him.     after    a    confused    tornado
decimated  this  one  orange  city  block.  after i
step  into  the house  and  know  the  cat  as  my
only  friend.  before   and   after  the nausea  of
the  night i  curl  up  into  fever sleep.   the new
hurts like blankets that refuse the soft.